Wishcast Wednesday - What burden to you wish to put down?

Wishcast Wednesday again and this week, Jamie Ridler asks...

What burden to you wish to put down?

This wish prompt makes me want to just sit right down and sob.  I didn't realize how burdened I felt until I read this prompt.

I think that I try so much to be optimistic and positive and I try to think of my issues in a positive light that they will soon be gone.  I do positive affirmations, positive thinking and yet I know that I still carry a lot of "stuff".

Of course, I wish to let go of the burden of my "stuff", but I also know that I am a work in progress and that the "stuff" is full of lessons that I have not learned yet and issues I need to work through.

I have one specific burden that weighs heavier and is more painful than the others; that is the burden of the pain, heartbreak, fear, and self-recriminations that is the residue of an abusive relationship.

I wish to put down and walk away from the burden of thinking I could have changed anything about that situation.  That I could have changed how I responded or how he treated me.  That I could have or should have left earlier than I did.  That I let him change me. 

I think I have been holding onto these self-loathing thoughts for too long--it's time to let them go.

You did what you knew, now that you know better, you'll do better.

- Maya Angelou/Oprah


It's never too late--in fiction or in life--to reivise.  - Nancy Thayer

Thank you!

As you all wish for yourself, I so truly and sincerly wish for all of you!

Weekly Intention - Let go

Thanks to Andrea Schroeder for setting up Weekly Intention - What do I need this week?

This week, I feel like I need to "let go".  I have a few things that have been troubling me and I know that thinking of how they trouble me only keeps me in that frame of mind, so I need to let go of the troubling thoughts, or else turn them on their a$$ to see them in a more positive light.

One of the things I need to let go of, but struggle with letting go of, is a relationship I have with one of my brother's.  It's just become hard to be around him.  I feel judged negatively, I feel like he can't see who I really am, and I feel mad about this.  I have an idea of what may have caused this negativity from him--a family difficulty from 10 years ago and how we both dealt with my father's passing--but I have tried to talk to him about it and he says there's nothing to talk about.  Yet...I get rolling eyes when I speak up in a conversation around him, or laughing to himself--little things that hurt me, and I wish they didn't.  I have tried distancing myself more from him but this hasn't helped, because just about every time I'm around him there is some sign (eyes, grunt, laugh) that hurts me again.  And...I'm sick of being hurt.  Of course, I know that the fact that I'm hurt has to do with me and not with him.  I can't change him, I can only change me and how I react.  But...it's family...and it's hard...as there are so few of us.  So, even though I know I need to not let his actions bother me they do, and I don't seem to know how to stop feeling hurt or angry.  I've tried to love him, and prayed about sending love to this conflict as I know that love can heal this but again, I can only do this for myself and lately the scale of anger and hurt is heavier than the love.

I also need to let go of my thinking that I struggle with money.  I know that this thinking also keeps me in that state of mind--struggling.  And since that is not where I want to be, I need to flip it.  Struggle means:  battle, effort so the opposite of struggle would be peace, or ease.  So..."I am at peace with money!"  "Money is easy for me!"

And, finally, I'm letting go of my hair (again).  I'm getting my hair cut into a very, very short pixie tomorrow--similar to the picture at the top of this page.  Right now, my hair is approx. shoulder length, but it gets in my eyes, in my face and when I look at myself in the mirror, it just feels and looks HEAVY.  This happens to me quite often when I decide to grow my hair so I just cut it off again.  I love, love, love my short hair but keeping it short can be expensive so I might just have to go with getting it cut with a razor by my friend.  Well...we'll see about that.  Hello easy hair!!

Hope everyone's week is the best ever!!!

Happy, happy holidays to all, however you celebrate this season of love, peace, and harmony!!

Weekly Intention - Faith

Thanks to Andrea at ABC Creativity for the reminder of setting a weekly intention to help guide me on the path towards my best life.

This week, the old standard of "keeping the faith" is reminding me that I don't need to be in control of every thing in my life and that letting go is sometimes the very best choice for me to make.  Just trust in God and the Universe that my best life will unfold as I make the "right" decisions to move forward.

It's very hard for me to let go and to trust as I have had so many people control my life--from childhood into adulthood--that I have huge boundaries where I can control my life.

Of course, I know that the amount of control I feel I need to have over my life is over the top so I continue to work at keeping faith and trusting that life is unfolding as it should.

In a lot of ways, my control has actually limited my life as fear makes too many of my decisions.

There is a lot going on at work lately which has caused me to have a lot of stress and feel out of control.  This has been going on for the last few months and it is really affecting my health.  If I could let go, trust, and have faith, then perhaps I could be living my best life with more of a sense of security than I am.  I could let go of limiting behaviors and beliefs and open my heart and mind to possibilities that I can't even think of.

I heard something this weekend that struck a cord in me.  It's simple but really made me think...

Change is growth.  - Jamie Salé

Thanks and have a great week!

C.

Wishcast Wednesday - June 23: What fun do you wish to have?

I love the prompts for Wishcast Wednesday--they really make me think about the life I'm leading and the life I'm moving toward.

Also, wanted to point out that I finally finished my Creative Dreamer 100 list--and I actually went more than 100! More to follow on that in a future post.

This a great question! But, of course, my mind starts thinking about what fun "feels" like. I think about fun being light, easy, flowing...And, unfortunately, that's not how I feel right now. Not to say I haven't had or don't have fun, but it's a reserved kind of fun.

So...to answer the prompt...I wish to have the light, free, and easy feeling of enjoying myself in many different circumstances--to let go of worrying how I look on the outside (or specifically, worrying about what others might think about what I look like) and just BE me!

And so it is!