Thursday, January 7, 2010

On a clear day you can see for miles and miles...

Love the lyrics...wish I could remember the name of the song.

Life continues to be busy for me--I realize, of course, that I make it so. I am setting up positive boundaries for myself and am trying to reduce--my girth and the amount of unnecessary posessions in my house. I think there's a book about that--"Does this clutter make my butt look big?" It's not that I have a lot of clutter, but I realize that when I purchased this house almost 9 years ago I really had very little in it. I had just moved out of my brother's house where I rented a bedroom, and had previously just split up from my ex where I had left most of my wordly possessions with him.

I have tried to fill my house with "stuff" and things to make me busy and projects, and, and, and... I've come to slowly realize that there are things in my house that I do not need--or really want for that matter--so I'm slowly going through the areas/rooms of my home and reducing. This is actually a continuation that I have done before, but now it's just making more sense. I live in a 3 bedroom house with 2 floors and a basement, but it seems small. It's not really big either, but for 1 person and and a couple of small animals??? It really is about the right size--as long as I continue to reduce the amount of "stuff" I have in it.

I have created a "cave", a place to go hide from the world. Again, this is not a new realization--it's just becoming more and more clear to me what I've done. Now, I'm not talking about giving up my house/home, I'm just talking about making it more "me".

I guess for a long time I really didn't feel I knew who "me" is. And that's it's own journey that feels more clear too--even though I think I've got miles and miles to go for that clarity.

Another thing that's been happening is that I have this feeling of my "old" life and my current life converging/colliding. I'm seeing it happen through Facebook. I am seeing that people from my current life/Spiritual home are "friends" with others from a life I led a lifetime ago--a time that feels a world away from who I am now. I'm finding I'm having some feelings that I'm really not too sure what to do with. I'm the not the person I was and I wasn't the person I am--I often feel like I have lived two different lives. And never the two shall meet, or will they? Or should they? Maybe they should?

There are some things from the person I was "then" that I miss--spontenatity, fun-loving, passionate, loving, forgiving, seemingly fearless, the size of my butt (it was big then too--at least I thought so then--but I just didn't appreciate how I looked--silly girl), hopeful, dreamy, . And there are things that, until very recently, I wished away. I have carried guilt, shame, and anger from that time in my life to now. And now, there is so much about myself that I love--intelligence, logic, openness, love, acceptance, connection to Spirit, but the size of my butt has really gotten out of hand!

Maybe...and this is just a new thought to me--which may be totally obvious to others but...Maybe...the "best" me is those two "worlds" combined. Maybe that's part of creating my best life???


  1. LOVE this blog Cheryl ... thanks for sharing from your heart! I think that the "best you" is those 2 worlds together ... you are a part of what has gone on in your life ... but you are becoming who you are now ... take the good, leave the bad and grow in love and beauty! ((hugs)) my friend!

  2. Hi Cheryl, I just found your blog through ABC Creativity. I really appreciate what you wrote about your "past" self and your "current" self. I can really relate. Given that we were all once teenagers it's probably no surprise that other people too have plenty of cringe worthy fodder from the past. Your comment about keeping the strengths from each self was a new idea to me and I really like it. Just yesterday I was thinking about how I used to dance and feeling like that girl was a different person.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Cheryl.


  3. Laurene WyspianskiJanuary 31, 2010 at 6:50 AM

    Wow Cheryl! What you are saying on this blog is amazing to me. I can relate so much. Your list of dreams are similar to so many of mine. Do you remember when I told you that I believe we have so much in common? Woman Power! Yea! This blog could inspire many people. The world needs more people like you Cheryl. I'm so glad you have started this blog.

  4. Thanks very much to all of your for your supportive words.

    They are appreciated more than you know!!!


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