Epiphany

So, this morning I had another epiphany--I just LOVE that word, I much prefer it to "aha" or "lightbulb moment".  Now, when you read this your going to go "uh, ya" like "didn't you know that?" and I do/did know it, it just finally sunk in I guess.  Read on...

This morning I woke again, at my regular time for work and was EXHAUSTED again from another tough night tossing and turning, not being able to get my head to shut off from the nothing important thoughts whirling around my head.  I had the light on and read for a bit, but my eyes were so tired I couldn't keep reading, then I'd toss and turn some more, open the window, turn on the fan, toss and turn, turn on the light and try reading again--this went on most of the night.  So...I had to phone in to work--again--I would be late, had insomnia again...I hate that!  So, when I finally woke up seemingly refreshed several hours later, I was amazed at how easy it was for me to get up, have breakfast, have a shower, and be at work within an hour of getting up (I do live only a 5 minuted automobile drive, or 12 minute bike ride away).  How come, I can't do that in the morning???  And then it dawned on me--I am NEVER refreshed in the morning because of not sleeping properly.  I am going for a sleep study because I might also have sleep apnea or something that is causing me to not get a refreshing sleep within 6 - 8 hours--on the weekends I usually sleep anywhere from 11 or 12 hours a night, of course, I may just be in a huge sleep debt by then.  But, when I was on holiday, I slept mostly 10+ hours each night too.

So, here's my epiphany, I need to do whatever I can to make sure I am asleep around 9:00pm each night.  Here comes the "uh, ya" moment.  Yes, I did know this but, I've just been telling myself that you need more sleep, got to go to bed--not necessarily doing much to help get to sleep.  I have had insomnia on and off for the last several years--hormones probably, the joys of aging as a woman--and I had received some natural sleep aid from a Naturpath Doctor I saw a few years ago.  would use those "sleeping pills" when I needed to.  But, I've always struggled with worries of needing to take them.  But, I think I do need something and I know that over-the-counter sleeping aids do not work and these are not supposed to be habit-forming.  So, I'm going to take them at 9:00pm each evening which, if they take effect like they usually do, should give me approx. 9 hours of sleep by the time I'm supposed to be getting up to get to work.  Keep a good thought for me.

Now, if you've been reading at all, you know that I am really in a cocooning stage in my life right now and, in some ways, I feel it's like a rebirthing stage.  I feel like I'm learning how to really take care of myself. So, the sleeping thing is just one more way that I'm taking care of myself "appropriately", as well as the 3 litres of water I drink a day, green tea, regular tea, etc.  I still need to eating more veg and fruit, but that's in the works already.

Thanks for listening...

And for my 250 Word a Day challenge stats - the wordcount above is approx. 600!

Wishcast Wednesday - Where do you wish to make a fresh start?

Jamie Ridler's Wishcast prompt this week is:  Where do you wish to make a fresh start?

Thinking, thinking...where is it I always wish I could have a "do over"?  Is my life too broad of an answer???

So many times, I wish I could have a "do over", but only knowing what I know now.  I'm not sure that I wouldn't do the same things, make the same choices/"mistakes", if I hadn't learned so much along the way.

So...I guess, when it really comes down to it--and it does pain me to say this--I would not start over...

I'm actually very surprised to see that in writing.  I can't count the amount of time I have spent, wishing, "if only":

• if only I knew how beautiful I was, I would not have wasted it thinking I was ugly and "settling" for whatever emotionally detached guy pursued me.
• if only I knew how smart I was, I would have continued on in University and received a degree.
• if only I knew that my family, although they loved me, did not really know me, I wouldn't have wasted so much time trying to meet their idea of who I was.  And I would not have accepted/believed the labels provided for me:  too sensitive, emotional, mentally-ill, flaky, naive...
• if only I knew that it was okay to be sensitive, emotional, flaky, I would have accepted myself so much sooner and not wasted time trying not to be.
• if only I knew that I was creative/artistic as a young adult, I might have pursued a completely different path.
• if only I hadn't gained so much weight, I would have the energy to be pursing the life I want to live quicker.
• if only I was better with my finances, I would be able to afford--whatever...

But...the most important thing is that I know all of that now!  I still have challenges accepting the above, and am still "improving".  I still look in the mirror and say things that are not always nice about what I see there.  I still struggle when someone in my family rolls their eyes about something I say--I've had to learn to detach myself a bit, unfortunately, from my family.  I am becoming more and more creative every day and continue to learn more and more about myself

But, what I continue to learn is that we are each on our own path to self-discovery and that this is my path--and it's all okay!!  Okay, I do struggle with that, even though I know it...

Now, as for creative projects, I do start over on those--but that's the great thing, it's okay to do that too--or even, dare I say it, chuck them!!  It all works out okay!

And, just because I collect quotes and this one is my current "mantra", thought I'd share.  It seems appropriate...

For all that has been, "thanks". 
For all that will be, "yes".
- Dag Hammarskjold

Thank you!!

C.