Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug...

I love that song from Mary Chapin Carpenter (if I remember correctly). I used to LOVE country music and she was one of my favorite artists.

When I woke up this morning, I definitely felt like the bug--I was allowing a lot of my thoughts to come from my "inner 5 year old". And, although, I think it's important to listen to your inner 5 year old, it is just the beginning point of growth and self-discovery.

What came up were some of my "buttons": feeling of not being heard, fear of rejection, flight, and/or fight.

I have joined with others in my church's congregation to coordinate our 2010 New Thought Conference. There are four of us and although a couple of us know each other really well, we all don't know each other at the committee level--which can be completely different. Of course, I didn't realize at first that we didn't know each other well enough--this realization came after tensions came up easily for some reason.

I understand today that, and I'm only speaking for myself here, ego(s) got in the way. I (we) forgot the first lesson--get out of the way and allow for God. This isn't about me (us)'s about the end result--the intention, the realization.

I had some questions that I needed to think about:

1. Do they know where I'm coming from?
2. Do I know where they're coming from?
3. Why do I want to be involved in this committee?
4. Why do each of them want to be involved?
5. What is the God in them?
6. What is the God in me?
7. What is the mirror for me? What am I showing that is being mirrored back in me by the people around me--the people who are showing up because they're supposed to? Which then had me ask more questions about the mirror:
a) Do I distance myself?
b) Do I see limitations and lack in others? Myself?

So, the lesson(s) for the day...

1. To work through my feelings and thoughts (my "stuff", my inner 5 year old's "stuff") by not hiding, not suppressing by watching TV, eating too much, or playing video games.

2. Trust in God/Spirit...I had trouble falling asleep last night because all of my "stuff" was having world wind thoughts running around in my head and I knew I needed to just "release". So I said, "God, I give this over to you knowing that you can can fix this." And this morning, once I talked to a couple of people in the committee, I felt that things were fixed (for me anyways).

3. Get out of my own way--this is just another way to say #2.

4. Seeing myself and opportunities for personal growth.

The biggest lesson, of course, is trust. Which is a huge issue for me because of my past experiences.

And in the end, I'm neither the bug nor the windshield either...

Thank you to Spirit and the people that are sent to me to grow into my best self...

in love...


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